Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Beast of burden.....

That  I  am. I am .The Nature of the  I is  Sat Chit Anand.....Truth Consciousness Bliss .And yet I am none of those ....Why....here comes my Lower Egoistic self  to play ....the Beast of  Burden  carrying all the Samskaras ,all the Grossness,Desires,wants,greed,Anger,meanness,jealousy ,prejudices ,attachments  , minus all this. ......I  am  who I am .The Lower Beast of Burden self.......needs to just go.It is the only barrier  between My Shepherd  and I.
Nothing is outside us ...this is the only practice  to consciously  Seek Him inside our heart.With consistent  commitment  to our evolution ,with Faith ,Patience,Surrender ......And. All done in Love.
Love  Seeking  Love.
Love to all.
Pranam.

These are a few of my favourite things......

While looking for a gift ,I stumbled over the old favourites and a window in the mind opened up and transported me to my dreamy days ....those were such wonderful days...my favourite movies  .....all time special favourites .....Movies..Roman Holiday,The Sound Of Music,serendipity,you've  got Mail,Sleepless in Seattle,Holiday,Beatrice Potter,Freedom Writers,Notting hill.
Well,the love for books .....I do not know where or when it started ....may be with my Grandmothers stories.....but from when I could read I took to books ...they are my all time companions ,I was always
Curled up with a book....I donot know whether it was escaping from reality....or opening up all the windows of the mind.Each book became a part of me ,believe it or not I never liked when I finished
Reading a book.All the characters became my own family.And my collection of books grew ,I own a sizeable library.Some characters are my all time favourites .....I love all the Jane Austen books....
Favourite being Pride and prejudice.....Jane  Eyre.....Loved the character of Jane.....so much of strength of character,patience,tenacity,clarity of thought.All the books of Charles Dickens......Miss Havisham of Great expectation....Christmas Carol....David of  David Copperfield.All the fairy tales...Just all of them.Shylock from The Merchant Of Venice....I used to feel so much pain for this character.....probably because he was prosecuted  by the whole society.....and he was so alone...
Shakespeare of course all his work. Elie Wiesel ...Night ....this book I read in a mall sitting in the corner of McDonalds.I just could not put it away without finishing.
High ...School /College used to read all the Barbara Cartland.  and Mills and boons.absolutely not ashamed of it....I think it helps your English.
Spiritual books were my Food.The companion was .....Kathamrita or The Gospel of Ramakrishna.
Bible....after Jesus my favourite was Job.All saints specially the life of St.Francis of Assissi,St.Padre pio,St.Anthony of Padua.St.Theresa of Avila.........
Sunder Gutka.....Sukhmani Saheb.Tagore and SaratChandra chatterjee.
SPECIAL MENTION SHOULD BE MADE TO SISTER CHRISTINE OF THE RAMAKRISHNA
MISSION SHE WAS A DISCIPLE OF SWAMI VIVEKANANDA .
Ramcharit Manas and Geeta ,is a must for me.
Love to create a corner for God in my room,Yes ,He is every where ....but I like a place in the room to Honour Him.Love flowers ...specially Mogras......actually all flowers and plants and trees.Love Nature....wherever I may be I have to have a Tulsi plant.Love putting incense in my room,dhoop.love blowing the shankho.Love rain,rainbow,the season of Advent.Love Bengali and Chinese food.At the
Moment boiled vegetables.the sea,to watch the sky by night.People of all shapes and
Sizes,Animals.Love Life.pure cotton to wear,white my favourite colour,I smile all the time and love to bring a smile to every lips that I see.ActuallyLove everything ,Love life and Living.
Peace be to all.Shalom.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Gumption....

What would you say courage is? How would you define courage?
To me courage is not ,not feeling scared/fear..... courage is .....to do what you have to do even if that
Scares you. Believe  ,understand what you have to do and just do it ,no matter what.During  the phase
Of my life's  dark age I asked  .....Baba....that ...why did they make my brother's  life easy ....everything   Taken care of ...and  not the same for me ? I always did everything I had to do on my own ....things were never given in a platter to me....here is what he said.....Bhai  cannot do what I can
 Is not so capable .....so  everything is done for him,....and you  Shona  I know if you are thrown in the mid ocean also you will find your way and come back..........huge compliment  that....but my father was a management person and he was good at his work ,never will he hurt you  but make you feel good even if you have  made a mess.He was such  a gentleman ,we really loved and cared for him....
Bhai and I still talk about how we could never do anything wrong  because we did not want to hurt him.....he never so much as shouted on  us  for anything .....but he gave us so much love,the feeling of security that he is there......and  nothing can happen to us ....that he will do anything for us ....protect us from any and everything.....we grew up with a lot of  self confidence,feeling of being wanted....both our parents were a compliment to each other ....so our house vibrated with Love ,fun ,joy.....and they gave us a very clear open mind ....I cannot be grateful enough for that ....it is very difficult for me to understand  how people cannot like every religion ...every culture ...we celebrated
Every festivals of all religion and culture ....very much participated in everything.....We did all the Hindu /Indian  festivals ,we did the Muslim ones....all the ids,Ramzan,tazia....muhharram....The Jewish festivals of Passover,we have the memora ,and the mezuzah in our house,Hannukkah,Saturday /Sunday felt the Sabbath .we had a wonderful crib for Christmas ....lent,Easter ,goodfriday all the lives of saints,love the Bible.Love GuruNanak Devji....THE GURUGRANTH.the day of light of the Tibetians.....GOING to the Muzhar s of great Sufi Saints, Parsi...Nooroz.My daughters too enjoy  and celebrate  every festivals.Our parents gave  the  greatest gift of possibility to us .so  what is there to fear only Love suffices.That Is What Gumption Is All About.
Peace be to all.Shalom.

Musings of my heart.

Hearing a Tagore song 'aami chini go chini tomare ogo bideshini, tumi thako sindhu pare ogo bideshini'
I remembered her ,actually miss her,very rarely in life you get a friend who is brutally truthful to
you,because they care that you as a human being grow and not stagnate .Most of us go through life
in a pattern that we make and do not change or budge out of that comfort zone.Not Regina ,she does not do it and would not let me fall at the way side either.why am I remembering her so much today and thanking her,probably she is getting ready to come to India,and also after 10 long years met fouzia ,who sees light around me .....the Sufi in her,updating each other .....she has gone places,I was
positively impressed  by her progress and a little sad about my journey not being very remarkable.
But then she comes up with the wonderful paths I have crossed ,the bridges I designed ,made and crossed ......she remembered  from our last sharings all the visions that I saw and wanted to get to ....I am there ....with Love and Compassion.That she was much helped in her journey by me ...feels nice .well,most of my life I felt in the language of Tagore 'this weariness forgive me O ! My Lord'.....but in the passing of valleys and mountains I could not see the road covered.Now I see ,I have shade  a lot of details  all along.Many a coverings are off,perceptions are much clearer ,only needs are required to the minimal .what a freedom ,this is real Independence.
And You my friend from Sindhu par  I  so Thank you  for  all your pushing and prodding .
Peace be to all. Shalom.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

What's the matter?

Well ,I stay at an ashram dormitory,and some days are ethereally peaceful and some are really noisy.I remember ,when the situation came for me to stay at the senior citizen dormitory ,I went and peeped stuck my head in and ran ,not physically but mentally.I toyed with the idea and called on my courage to shift very reluctantly......needless to say tried to avoid ....... spoke ,requested all the people concerned if I could get a room.but every quarter was silent ,tried staying elsewhere it did not work.
The atmosphere in the ashram is so full of peace and love .....there is this feeling of contentment which I feed on .so after much testing the water ,if you will,I came into the senior citizen dormitory,ego lost and I won.Wow.thats HEAVY......
Then the actual challenges  started ,people there are not calm and peaceful at all,fight for a bed,a piece of paper,lights off,lights on....you name it they fight over it.one day I was watching one  of the fights and it was so painful to see,this was like the beggars on the street fighting  for space ,a plastic chair ,very sad to watch.There is so much insecurity in them you can feel only sorry ,cannot get angry
on them at all.
So a new lesson started for me.no privacy,lots of noise,loud talking all the time.some suddenly at 2:00 a.m. feel like bath ,switch on the lights ....have bath without considering other people's discomfort .This was not  even remotely my vision when I thought of staying in the ashram ,to
intensely practice spirituality.In actuality ,no place ,no one else can give it to you....neither it is that  the  circumstances will be congenial for your practice to find yourself ,it is to be found wherever you are in the depth of your heart.Ofcourse  I was getting upset,angry ,frustrated....then suddenly a thought dawned on me ...If You Mind It Matters, If You Don't  Mind It Does Not Matter.And all my
woes  were gone.....blown with the wind.Its all in the mind ......if you let something disturb you,Yes,you will be disturbed.But if  you do not mind ,it will not matter at all.you can remain in your peace even in the middle of  the worse scenario  .Never  forget  This  Too Shall Pass.  All the peace.
All the Love is yours to have ......nature in her abundance have kept all open ....for all who ...call on it.so don't worry be happy ....live in love and Joy.Natures  mathematics  is the more you give the more you  get. So  happy giving.Peace be to all .Shalom.


Friday, October 25, 2013

Life ,the space between the living.

I have been thinking........what is life ?we so often hear ...life has been good to me ,life has been bad to me,my life is not going well,life treats me bad,life has never been nice to me,may life treat you well.....so on and so forth.
Meeting some one after a long time and seeing such a marked sadness in him ,hearing him talk of life
treating him bad......I just could not stop thinking .what is life? How does it treat us good or bad?
Actually if a thought arouses my attention I cannot give up till I can make sense of it .so I was at it ....till it got clear  I could get a clear pattern in my heart.Life  par ce does nothing,does not treat us good or bad.never has.LIFE  IS.There are certain things that you can understand but putting it in words gets difficult ,it's like the Sky ,it is,and circumstances passes by,like  the clouds passes by.So it is with Life ......Life is ....circumstances  passes by ,when they are to our likings  we call it good but if they are not what we want then we find it difficult or bad.In reality I suppose we should just keep going and take what comes as a project work on it ,as required and move on.
Life does not give them to us , our choices does .Life just is ....beautiful,serene,pregnant with possibilities,all encompassing .....feeds on Love .I love life.all Life.
Peace be to all Shalom.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Maa Kali - my own deity part2


Part 2----
All our relatives,some close family friends,neighbours and all who worshipped Maa Kali came for 
Pujo and everyone that came had to have prasad after the pujo was over -it used to be a big crowd and all the ladies of the family took care of it.Here one special mention must be made,in all the steps of this function my brother was a perticipant ,I believe at the age of five he started to 
work at everything for the pujo,including the alpona,he used to do the alpona.remember the pujo day they had to fast totally - O I cannot fast.so my lot was dressing up and distributing the boxes of sweets to friends,neighbours and relatives.putting Diyas around the house.we never did fire crackers .
The pujo starts ,the whole look of my parents is changed to serenity itself ,the whole atmosphere is absolutely pregnant with divine presence,it was so sacred and beautifully .all would be totally bathed in that ocean of the divine.the chanting of the mantras,the fragrance of dhoop,aggarbattis,flowers ,the prasad ,us all enthralled,the sound of dhak.pujo is magical.it used to be a calm,contented air around us .kali pujo finishes .then next day evening bishorjon,we all went to the Ganga to say good bye to maa.and all cried as if someone very close to you was going away.
Now I cannot help but share an event that happened to me during the pujo of 1978.I was in college and we used get the best chicken roll ,it used to melt in the mouth.By the way ,now I am a 
vegetarian .there was but one day for Kali pujo ,I went to college ,and my favourite relative was my Mejoma ,who had already come for pujo .and I wanted her to taste this awesome chicken roll.so I got it for her,and very proudly took it out and told her 'Mejoma I got this for you please taste' she was dumbfounded and said 'throw it away ,what have you done,'but as luck would have it ma from somewhere came budging in saying all the dramatic things possible ,you can imagine the house was cleaned of any trace of nonveg and here I go bringing in chicken into that pure area.Ma was livid,Mejoma tried to pacify her but to no avail.and I was standing there like a stone could not move ,the gravity of the situation having hit me.Believe you me ,I did not do it knowingly,I just forgot.I was very sorry and beyond repair.Then I do not clearly remember because I think my every faculty froze.ofcourse the rolls were thrown out and the whole house had to be washed again,but the important part was the bishorjon ,I was sitting on the steps of the Ganga and a fire cracker called the urontobri ,which is thrown up in air From somewhere came and landed on my head,in the usual process this should burn you badly ,I did get burnt but very nominal,nothing serious happened to me.The whole family ,my ma specially came to me saying see what happened you got the chicken rolls,I felt fear touch me but then I thought how can Maa be 
anything but love ,She cannot harm Her own child .Can She? Never. And believe it or not there was no blister on my head ,or any harm to my hair ,it was as gorgeous as always .......this is a miracle.She is my Mother.
Peace be to all.God bless.

Maa Kali,My own Deity


Maa  Kali ,my own deity: 
Part 1---She is such a close person to me ,she is not someone outside me ,she is within.the love for maa was something I got in inheritance,my parents loved her did everything with blessings so naturally she was mine too.within 15days of Durga pujo ,Kali pujo is celebrated .this pujo was a part of my family.our family originally in their hay days did all the pujo s at home but later that being impractical by baba took up this pujo.and in that he was so passionately supported by my ma,like in everything .so it was a very sacred period in our house and it was done  paying total attention to the minute details.with the sacrifice of a goat and all.the goat came nearly 10days before the pujo,it had to be young ,one colour-black ,with no defects .I remember my vegetarian friends made a lot of fuss over this sacrifice,I totally understood it but never questioned my baba why we needed to do that,in my heart I always knew baba did whatever was necessary .
My mother went into a total house cleaning mode before the pujo.everything was washed and cleaned-and the house was minus everything nonveg to the extent of onion,garlic,Bengal -grams.
That was being ready for maa to enter the house.Three days before the pujo ,ma stopped any nonveg to enter the house.we did not eat it outside also.Then the shopping for the pujo,vegetables,
Rice ,grams and other grains,flowers, fruits ,sweets,sarees for maa,the clothes for pujaris -one main pujari and two assistants.Ma had a pujo room where everything was kept ,lots of gangajal,to keep the place pure.Every year ma got pujor bashon that is only for pujo use and jewellery for Maa Kali.Ofcourse clothes and jewellery for ma and us too.
Then the pujo day arrived ,ma and baba used to be totally into it the pujari with his assistants  and Ma's assistant mogru started with the preparation.Kali pujo usually was for one day ,the main pujo was at night usually starting at after 9 p.m. at night going on till 2/3a.m. In total a 24hrs nonstop schedule.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Maa Durga -Durgoti nashini:

Maa Durga -durgati nashini:
I can still smell the fragrance of seuli flower,the fog and those dawns before maa came ,it is maa Durga coming to her father's house ,with her children ,for five days .those five days were the most important days in the calendar .the heart used to build up with happiness from nearly a month on ,when vishwakarma puja finished and according to my mother's ritual Durga puja shopping started.so much suppressed joy within,the happiness built up like a crescendo to finish with bishorjon of maa in the Ganges ,her going back to her husband's house .never forgetting to whisper in her ears on the last day ,aashche bochhor abaar eshoo---that is come back again next year.i remember the day and the feeling as if someone very close and very dear had come for a visit ,now leaving.most of us cried ,there was such a tear in the heart string.those days were the golden days in my memory.no one had to wake me up ,we were up before the sun ,bathed and run to maa.as if the whole night not being in her presence were too much to bear.i was happy just being there ,no other stimulant was needed.puja ,Pradeep,smell of flowers,belpata ,all kinds of aggarbattis,fruits,noibedos ,blog ,the atmosphere,the lights ,the prayers and the happy hearts created some magic in the air.please I cannot forget the mothers who cooked all wonderful dishes 
all through the day and yet had the strength to participate in all the puja activity with zeal,entertaining guests ,when I try to understand this my logic fails me ,I can only bow my head to all those wonderful ,courageous ladies ,the mothers of Bengal,I take this moment to thank them,and want to tell them I feel reverential respect for them,their energy,love,joy was infectious,then I did not understand but ,now ,at my 58yrs I feel we live in the presence of very deep,authentic,genuine human beings ,they were by far much more spiritual than the organised organisations selling spirituality of today.sob maa der amar pronam.ebar Elo boro Maa,Durga.that is now comes my Maa.
Mahalaya,heralds the advent of Durga puja ,called the agomon ,and the Sri Sri  Chandi (is the book which talks about the mother or the female aspect of creation and all about the different forms she took to do the natures work ,basically the Gods created the female form with all their strenghts to destroy the asuras ) is read  to call on Her and welcome her.this is done 7days before the puja starts --Navaratri  starts on  the next day ,but Durga pujo starts on the shoshti ,the pandals done ,decorated ,the deity usually comes on Panchami .shoshti evening thakur bodhon and Maa is established there.then saptami puja in the morning and evening,oshtomi puja in the morning and evening---then early morning of oshtomi nobomi sondhi pujo.then nobomi pujo same ,last day is dashomi where in the morning Maa pujo ,prayer,darpan bisarjan,evening the deity is immersed in the Ganges ,then shantir jaal and bijoya utsav.and all the pujo days we have Pushpanjali ,fasting .then bhog aroti ,distribution of prasad,Sri Sri Chandi paath.
Evenings too aroti ,dunuchi aroti ,bhog distribution.
For Sandhi pujo Pradeep Daan and ghee Daan is very auspicious .
Bijoya starts from dasami and goes on to Kali pujo.we go to relatives,friends houses to wish them and lots of sweets are eaten and distributed ,all kinds of delicacies are prepared its a festive a  atmosphere ,each house has a special delicacy to offer and each mother wants to excell in their trade.O what joy our culture has given us ,what perceptibly thought out festival to spread good will and joy .I Love Where I was born .maa tomake pronam.
Peace be to all.God Bless.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Accept........

Accept  ----Such a small common word ....in use all the time ,but ,insignificant-It is not,contains in it the seed for all the knowings of the world.
Accept .What does it convey?....does it say if you are APT you accept, or there is more to accept....
The meaning of the word is to come to terms with or agree to receive that is offered.
Accept ....to me is to have this refine qualities cultivated in us of being happy,joyful in whatever
circumstances we are ...a seed or a flower does not refuse to sprout /bloom because the place is not
a palace garden,
it just opens  itself  to all its surroundings ,
spreads its fragrance in the air,
open,
happy to be ,
Has no preference ,
No prejudice,
Generous ...
Uncalculated,
busking in the glory of being ,
In a carefree selfgiving,
A spontaneous flowering of beauty,
Simply for the joy of being,
Smiling in a happy thanksgiving,
As if a prayer,
Ask nothing in return ....
I believe all this is what- accept -is .thats what is expected of us ,to live this way not because its our duty but because our nature impels us towards it,we cannot ,but,do it.
So We Have To Be APT to Accept.
I accept......for whatever has been .....Thank you.
Whatever is to come ....I am willing.
Peace be to all.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Spring in my heart.

Loitering  lost and friend less
So sat to be with the self and deep within
Found a spring in my heart.
There is a spring in my heart .
Suddenly everything was bright and beautiful
And I knew I am not friendless and alone.
For my shepherd is with me ,he was never
Not with me,that realisation made me pause
and say Thank you.